Top Shut the F Up

By now, you are likely aware that Top Chef is coming to New Orleans to film. And if you have been paying attention, there is a lot of discussion about whether or not it was proper for some of the funds from the BP disaster to be used to "sponsor" the series. Anthony Bourdain who has always recognized the brilliance and uniqueness of New Orleans suggested the BP money should be donated back to a New Orleans charity by Bravo. Bravo's Andy Cohen brought in tax rebates that went to Treme. That brought in David Simon to offer his point of view. Read this to catch up.

So if you are scoring at home. A New York food personality, a Baltimore newspaper man-cum-director, and a St. Louis exile who traffics in human reality are lecturing each other on the proper usage of funds received by Louisiana from a British company. This is either a punchline to the worst joke in history or a set-up for a Mark Twain quote. Now this may sound xenophobic, but it is quite presumptuous of people who don't live here to tell us what we can and can't do with our money. Sure, we may be jaded at the end of tourist season with outsiders, but really can you just leave us alone?

I have no problem with BP funds used to promote tourism going to Top Chef to lure them here. This is how the game is played. At least it is a better usage than just putting billboards on interstates or catchphrases tucked inside in-flight magazines. This money from BP was earmarked for a specific purpose: promoting tourism. It can't just go into the hands of shrimpers or fishermen or just be given to charity.

My problem isn't with the expense, its with the expectation. Does anyone really think a person who truly enjoys food and cooking doesn't already know that New Orleans is a good spot for both? Is some guy with a platinum rating on Yelp! Charlotte going to suddenly remember to visit New Orleans and see what the fuss is all about because of a Quickfire Po Boy Challenge?

What is more likely is this will be a retread of every New Orleans travel show or segment. There will be Brennan's. Lots of Brennans. There will be oysters, shrimp, and crab and sly references to "Creole" cooking by Padma which imply it sucks. There will be a second line Elimination Challenge and a Sazerac Quickfire. A Toyota Prius will drive from the Whole Foods Uptown to the swamp to cook alligator in a pirogue while Dixieland plays in the background. A cheftestant will wear a white cap and sling their take on beignets at Cafe du Monde. Katrina will be referenced more than Harold McGee by the cheftestants. Mardi Gras and voodoo will exist in a perfect harmony gumbo analogy.

But this is ok. We will watch and point out to each other how the contrived the Cajun challenge was and how old some chef looked. We are used to being painted with a brush as wide as the Mississippi as being a particular and sacrosanct way. The real problem is every tourist (and local) has their idea of how New Orleans is supposed to be. Like two Italian Americans fighting over whose grandmother made the best ragu. One says, "My grandmother's New Orleans used jazz bands, late nights at Lafittes, and oyster po boys." The other says, "Your grandmother is wrong, its Mardi Gras Indians, streetcar rides, and boiled crawfish."

Neither is right and both are wrong. But hey, at least there is food on the table.

A Quick Drink: Riesling

You and I aren't drinking enough Riesling (pronounced Reese's Peanut Butter Cups). The International Association of Riesling Exporters and Importers' (IAREI) states that the average American drinks only 1 tablespoon of Riesling every two years. Art Vandelay, head of the IAREI, recently expressed his firm desire to "get that number up to 1/4 cup at least every eighteen months."

Well, you might be saying, why should I drink more Riesling? Chances are you are going to go out for spicy food, seafood, barbecue, or Asian food soon. Likely the waiter will come by first to take your drink order and you will request something disgusting like sweet tea or Pepsi. The reason you want these drinks is because of their inherent sweetness. Sweetness brings stability and helps balance out aggressive, bold flavors. Put down the sweet tea and ask for a Riesling instead.

What is Riesling? Riesling is a type of grape, grown mainly in Germany, but also Germany-light (Alsace), the Finger Lakes Region of New York, and other cool areas, such as Washington State and Sean Payton's bachelor pad. Besides having a touch of sweetness or honey on the palate, Rieslings can also have some acidity which makes them the George Gershwin of wines. You can pair them up with fancy food like smoked salmon and caviar or dress them down and pair with boiled crawfish. Try it with poached salmon with a grapefruit and ginger beurre blanc.

In short, drink more Riesling.

Grapefruit and Ginger Beurre Blanc

I use less butter than is traditionally called for per Ms. Child's classic recipe, as I do not think you really need 2 sticks of butter to achieve a rich and luxurious sauce. But look, Mrs. Child is probably right.

1 Shallot, minced
1 joint of ginger about the size of your thumb, peeled and roughly chopped
3 tablespoons of grapefuit juice
3 tablespoons of white wine
8 tablespoons of butter
Salt and Pepper, to taste

In a saucepan, combine the shallots, ginger, a pinch of salt, a few cracks of pepper, wine, grapefruit juice and 3 tablespoons of butter and bring to a rapid boil. Allow this mixture to reduce to a syrupy consistency. Take the remaining 5 tablespoons of butter and cut into small pieces roughly the size of your thumbnail. Or if you are a giant, the size of your pinky nail.

Strain the reduced sauce into a clean, unheated sauce pan. Immediately, add 2 pieces of the reserved 5 tablespoons of butter. Whisk furiously. Then, place pan on low heat and whisk in the remaining butter and remove from heat. Taste, adjust for seasoning, and spoon over poached or grilled fish for best results.

A Quick Drink: German Lager

Sometimes you just want a beer that tastes like beer. Of course, each beer drinker has their own expectations and biases about what beer should taste like. I enjoy a beer that makes me remember my first sip of beer. Maybe you were eight or ten, but at some point, you took a sip of beer when someone's back was turned. Your face promptly contorted into something resembling Jim Carrey's funny days. That will always mean, to me at least, a beer that sort of tastes like Dixie. Albeit, now I want a better version of that.

Lagers. That is what I reach for. These beers are fermented at colder temperatures resulting in a crisper, more refreshing beer than its richer cousin, ales. The Germans are really good at a few things: dismantling Barcelona with efficiency and ruthlessness, invading (but not conquering) other countries, engineering, turtlenecks, and brewing beer. Ayinger is my German lager of choice. This one here is called Jahrhundert Bier which means (pardon my German) "A beer perfect for after cutting one's grass."

Mr. B's Bistro: Is It Worth It?

I'd love to link to the Mr. B's website, but it still has an automatic loud musical interlude attached to it. Turn it off on one page and go to another page and boom it shows up again. If you watch tv, you are familiar with the song. Never a good sign. Note to restaurants: I am going to your website for roughly the same reason one goes to your restaurant. Loud, abrasive music in either location is not welcome, no matter how much you paid for the jingle.

Onto the food. The bread is good. Warm and crisp and served with lots of cold butter. Come in here, soak up the handsome scene, drink a few martinis and eat two loaves of bread and you may have a pretty good meal. Venture farther than that and you are on your own.

For example the gumbo ya-ya, a longtime staple, leaves plenty to be desired in the diner's mind. For one thing, the broth was bitter perhaps owing to the extremely dark roux. The mini coasters of sausage were mealy and wet. They fell apart at the slightest urging into a crumbling mess. Duck springrolls, had the opposite effect, as their filling was dry and chalky. The just barely cooked wanton wrapper was reminiscent of a wet cigarette. The sweet ginger-garlic dipping sauce that came along for the ride was sugar coma inducing and a mess of muddled flavors. But the big slab of radicchio saved the dish, by giving us a five minute conversation of what it was possibly doing on the plate.

Entrees arrived after a long pause. The paneed veal was tough and led us to wonder if the first time it had been introduced to milk was when it met the overcooked, soggy pasta coated in an insipid alfredo sauce. Perhaps so, but it was not a great first impression for the two.

I've become a big fan of barbecue shrimp, but these had me revoking my fan club membership. The dish works best with Louisiana shrimp that are in the 10-12 count range or smaller. A key element of the dish, in my opinion, is the sweet, briny flavor of smaller shrimp helps offset the heat of the sauce. The shrimp at Mr. B's were too big which leads to them being overcooked. Hence, they become tough to peel. The sauce had a little too much Worcestershire flavor and not enough heat. One is left with an abundant supply of sauce, but the bread served on the side is flabby. Ask for another order of the good bread and plow through. You are almost finished.

Mr. B's Bistro: Is It Worth It? No.
201 Royal St.
523-2078

Bugs & Brew for Drew

This Saturday April 20th, the Drew Rodrigue Foundation will host the 4th Annual Bugs & Brew for Drew Crawfish Cook-Off and Beer Festival in the River City Plaza at Mardi Gras World. More than 50 teams from around the city will be boiling up there best crawfish and lagniappe with their eyes on the first place trophy in each category, and local breweries will be on hand offering libations to quench the thirst of all those in attendance. The event also offers live music, entertainment for the kids, and a raffle full of prizes.

Drew Rodrigue was a fellow graduate of the Jesuit class of 2000, and a young man who embodied a fervent joie de vivre attitude until he lost his 7 year battle with cancer in August 2009. Drew never gave anything less than 110% in whatever endeavor he undertook - whether that be on the football field during high school, in the chapter room at the Alabama DKE house, in the Superdome cheering on the Saints, or in the treatment center at MD Anderson. The Drew Rodrigue Foundation aims to further Drew's legacy with its mission to change the lives of individuals who have stared their adversities in the face and have bravely decided to suit up and march onto the playing field of life and show others that giving up is not an option.

Proceeds from Bugs & Brew go toward furthering the mission of The Drew Rodrigue Foundation. In its first year, Bugs &; Brew helped the DRF raise $50,000 to establish a research grant with the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society targeted towards Advanced Hodgkin's disease. In 2011, the DRF raised money towards the creation of the Drew Rodrigue Memorial Equipment Fund for Abbeville High School, where Drew volunteered as an assistant coach. Last year, the DRF established the Forty-Nine Society, which helps lift the spirits of those individuals fighting terminal disease. This year, proceeds from Bugs & Brew are set to go toward a new wing in the MD Anderson Cancer Center that is designed to provide entertainment  for young patients in the form of a media center.

Admission to Bugs & Brew is FREE. Crawfish, lagniappe, and beers are available for purchase a la carte, but the best bang for your buck is with the Cajun Pass, which is $60 for all you can eat and drink. The event includes a local craft brew exposition featuring selections from Abita, Nola Brewing, Tin Roof, Parish Brewing Co., Bayou Teche, Covington Brewhouse, and Chafunkta Brewing Co. The live music kicks off at 11:00am on Saturday with a performance by the Stone Rabbits, followed by Johnny Sketch and the Dirty Notes, Honey Island Swamp Band, and Papa Grows Funk closing down the stage.

Arnaud's: Is It Worth It?

All men have bias. One of mine, was a firmly held belief that Arnaud's was a has been, or maybe yet, a never was. A few years ago two group dinners in quick succession cemented in my skull that this old dame was getting by on purely the tourist, debutante, and Carnival trade. This is the worst combination of patrons to rely on for a restaurant recommendation. To wit, a dish of chicken pontalba arrived sans brabant potatoes. On other visit, creme brulee took a downmarket turn by substituting a ramekin of whipped cream for luscious custard. The response from the servers on both occasions, "Yeah, that's how that dish is served traditionally."

I was predisposed to develop a negative opinion on this restaurant.

But then a pitch perfect Sazerac arrived, cold and bracing under a faint whiff of anise. The first one dispatched, a second one arrived with little more than eye contact and desire. The handsome dining room soon took over with its glass and wood evoking, and at the same time establishing, this as a potential great place to spend a few hours eating and drinking. Certainly better, than say, prison.

Then a plate of souffle potatoes which brought to life an M.C. Escher drawing. Tucked into the folds of a starched napkin stood crisp, airy potatoes as fine as any served by its more famous relatives. They were hot and greaseless and a marvel of culinary architecture. It is as if the slices of potato trigger a natural defense mechanism and puff up to scare of prey. Do not worry, they are no match for a hungry appetite.

Less good was the much vaunted shrimp Arnaud, which suffered from a surprising blandness. A few more scoops of mustard or horseradish or a jolt of lemon were sorely needed. Baked oysters were inconsistent with a handful cold under their various topping or suffering from muddled flavors. The soups deserve your attention, especially a comforting and spicy rendition of turtle soup and a smoky, herbal gumbo z'herbes which gives Ms. Leah Chase's version considerable competition.

Pompano, veal, trout, steaks, etc... fill out the entrees with solid execution and minimal fuss. Sweetbreads are plump and crispy by technique and salty and rich by design with a meuniere sauce and capers. The traditions of French Creole classics are strictly adhered to with mostly superior results.

This isn't to say Arnaud's escapes criticisms. For one thing, the wine list is stuck in pre-Neanderthal days. Whoever is buying wine needs to look around and realize there are wine drinkers who a) cant afford a blockbuster Bordeaux or b) aren't content to drink a grocery store white burgundy at restaurant prices. Service, based largely on its proximity to the tourist trade, tends to treat anyone as a visitor. It would be better to reverse this and treat as everyone as a local.

We skipped dessert opting instead for the comfort of an after dinner drink at the French 75 Bar. There among an ambiance of dirty jokes and cigar smoke, Chris Hannah runs probably the finest restaurant bar in the world. If you find a better one, please let me know.

Taken as a whole, Arnaud's is an absolutely delightful place to be proven wrong.

Arnaud's: Is It Worth It? Yes.
813 Rue Bienville
523-5433

A Quick Drink: Brandy

Of all the boozes, brandy appears to be the most uppercrust and pretentious of them all. Brandy even requires its own glass, the snifter, which sounds like an accessory to powdered tobacco rather than a vessel of inebriation. Brandy has such an exclusive air that even scotch drinkers call her twee. Brandy even has a masters level called Cognac, which requires a smoking jacket, manor house, and a chauffeur to even buy a bottle.

All snobbery aside, brandy is a vastly misunderstood alcohol. Let's start with what it is. Brandy is a spirit, normally distilled from wine. Other spirits like gin and vodka are generally distilled from grain. Brandies can also be made from fruits like pears, oranges, or apples, but technically these are called eaux-de-vie. A few years ago, I received a gift of three bottles of French eau-de-vie: Kirsch, pear, and plum. The few months after that are a blur. Use extreme caution.  

Not surprisingly, brandy production is most common in areas that produce wine. From left to right above, pisco from Peru, Spanish gran reserva brandy, and commodity brandy. The Christian Brothers brandy isn't for sipping, but does very well as an instrument to deglaze pans and for the occasional milk punch or Alexander. Use pisco in a classic pisco sour made with whatever citrus is available, currently that means grapefruits. Spanish gran reserva brandy works very well with a large chunk of dark chocolate.

A couple hundred words on brandy and not once did I mention this song? Its good to be back after my Hogs hiatus, but give me a few days to get warmed up.

Hog Wild Weekend

There is not much else that I can say about Hogs for the Cause that others have not already said. So instead of retelling the same stories, here are a few links to some great articles about Hogs:

• The Cause Helps the Nobles Family
• Gambit's Ian McNulty talks about Hogs
• The TP profiles Hogs competitors
• Eater NOLA interviews Rene and Becker
• My Recap on the History of Hogs

That should be more than enough literary encouragement to get your hog-lovin self out to City Pork tomorrow, but if not here is one last anecdote for motivation.

This past Wednesday night I embarked on an evening trot through City Park, with the specific purpose of checking out how City Pork was coming along.  Unbeknownst to me, the temporary fence was already up, so a full survey of the grounds was unlikely. But as luck would have it, Becker happened to be on the other side of the gate as I passed by, so he beckoned me inside.

"Wow" was my immediate reaction.

The sheer magnitude of the operation is mind-blowing considering the humble beginnings of Hogs only four years ago. In 2009, there were two 10x10 tents out at the fly. Tomorrow, there will be more than 80 tents for the competing teams, some as large as 40x40. In 2009, the music at Hogs was limited to Rene's iPod blaring "Wagon Wheel" on repeat for seven hours. Tomorrow, there will be two stages of live music for alternating sets such that good times keep on rolling strong all day long. In 2009, there was but one hog that Becker and Rene personally kept watch over the previous night at the Fly. Tonight, the Fatback Collective - a group comprised of some of the best chefs in the South - is hosting the Asado Gala Dinner for 300 people.

In 2009, I am pretty sure that this blog post was the only "media" exposure leading up to Hogs.  Word got out to about 50 people that year. Tomorrow, Hogs is hoping that more than 25,000 show up to help the Cause.

"Man, I just really hope that the weather holds up," said Becker on Wednesday night. "We really need to get grants out to these families."

The Cause needs you - rain or shine.

Hogs for the Cause
Saturday March 23rd
City Pork a/k/a the City Park Festival Grounds
Gates open at 11:00 a.m.
Chance of Rain? - NEVER

Shamrockin'

Corned Beef at the Irish House.  Photo by renee b. photography.

On Sunday New Orleanians of all races, creeds, and colors will be donning their favorite green attire in celebration of the patron saint of Ireland. Copious amounts of potatoes, corned beef, and cabbage will be consumed. Over on Third Street between Magazine and Constance, roast beef will be the celebratory sustenance of choice. Old men will quench their thirst with glasses of emerald hued Bud Light - liquid courage to proposition the young lass standing next to them with four simple words: "Kiss me, I'm Irish."

About a half mile down the road on the corner of St. Charles and MLK, a true Irishmen will be wrapping up a week long celebration of his native culture. Chef Matt Murphy decided that his homeland deserved a week long celebration leading up to St. Patrick's Day, and so he has flooded this week's calendar with traditional Irish music, special whiskey tastings, Irish film screenings and more.

In this month's issue of OffBeat Magazine, we review the Irish House, Chef Matt's local take on the traditional Irish pub. The menu includes much of the stereotypical Irish fare that we associate with the Emerald Isle - corned beef, pot pie, and plenty of potatoes. But Chef Matt has also successfully incorporated local flavors into his menu with Irish twists - such as the boudin cake with colcannon and smoked tomato sauce.

Chef Matt welcomes all to the Irish House this week to raise a glass in celebration of his heritage. Your last name need not be O’Brien, Callaghan, Fitzpatrick, or Flanagan to take part in the festivities. You only need to be Irish in spirit... or simply enjoy a well-poured pint of Guinness.

The Irish House
1432 St. Charles Avenue
(504) 595-6755

The Vendys

No, not the Dundies.  The Vendys.

Tonight at the French Market, nine of New Orleans' favorite food vendors will vie for "street food glory." Begun in 2005, the Vendy Awards are a yearly cookoff whose goal is to celebrate the street food vendors of NYC. After the competition expanded to L.A. and Philly in recent years, organizers decided that New Orleans was ready for its own satellite competition.  The Vendys are the brainchild of The Street Vendor Project, and cult favorite Brooklyn Brewery lends a helping hand by offering libations.

After tallying up nominations from the public, the list of competitors has been chosen:

• Woody's Fish Tacos
• Vaucresson Sausage Co.
• Taceaux Loceaux
• The Ya-ka-Mein Lady
• La Cocinita
• Hot Tamale Mama
• Empanada Infitada
• Fat Falafel
• Foodie Call

A team of distinguished judges will score these finalists and decide who earns the coveted Vendy Cup.  (Note: the Vendy Cup is not as iconic as a Dundie Award). The general public can also vote for a people's choice award.

A limited number of tickets are available, so purchasing in advance is strongly suggested.  Prices start at $6 for the pay-as-you-go option and up to $36 for premium package, which includes samples from each vendor and unlimited beer.  Proceeds from the event benefit the New Orleans Food Truck Coalition and Slow Food NOLA.

A Quick Drink: Roussanne

Roussanne is not a wine that is going to win any popularity contests anytime soon. Kevin Zraly's nearly universally used Windows on the World fails to mention the grape at all. Grown mainly in the Rhone valley of France, this is a grape which more often than not turns up in other wines. Consider it the studio drummer who seems to play with every band in town. To my eyes, its straw color is one of the prettiest hues in the wine rainbow. As far as heft, it generally falls somewhere between a sauvignon blanc and a chardonnay with medium acidity.

Have you ever walked by a citrus tree or sweet olive in full bloom and become intoxicated by its scent? Roussanne is a liquefied version of that experience. Now, that is awful wine geek language but it is pretty damn accurate. Some Roussannes have a touch of residual sweetness which makes them nearly perfect for something spicy like a thick pork chop rubbed down with Szechuan peppercorns or  crawfish etouffee. It also makes a spectacular aperitif and a damn fine sangria with peaches come summertime. Roussane, it isn't popular, its just delicious, versatile, and affordable.

Charlie's Steak House: Is It Worth It?

The opening salvo at Charlie's, onion rings stacked higher than Tulane's Kappa Sigma house. 

Want to know why New Orleans is different? For two and a half months we abuse our bodies with binge drinking and gluttonous gorging. We make poor decisions, commit multiple sins, and smoke too many cigarettes during Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year's and Mardi Gras. But on Ash Wednesday and the first Friday of Lent, we have convinced ourselves that if we don't eat meat the charms and delights of heaven, nirvana, or the fields of Elysia await should we meet an untimely death on St. Patrick's Day.

Which is all the more reason why on the first Friday of Lent, I crave a steak. Because of my Catholic schooling, I know that God expects us to yield to temptation, so long as we repent. Not one to let God down, I headed out to Charlie's Steak House on the first Friday of Lent to do some sinning. Charlie's occupies a blink-and-you-miss-it block of Dryades Street about two blocks off Napoleon. Its the kind of neighborhood joint that once littered the New Orleans landscape, before NIMBYs decided such things were as welcome as a varmint bearing Wal-Mart plans.

You enter through the bar, and veer left into a dining room lined with photos, newspaper clippings, and wood paneling. You should feel right at home if you remember the old lions of New Orleans dining - the Brunings, the Mr. Ed's, Bull's Corner. The wine list is short and sweet, but the Old Fashioneds are stout and cold. Soon a plate of onion rings arrive, thin and begging for a few good shakes of salt. The onion rings come not with some newage guacamole aioli, but some hot sauce and ketchup. They are fried crisper than a new twenty dollar bill.

Sometime after eating half of the onion rings, a salad will show up that is so tragically unhip, its cool in the Bywater. Iceberg lettuce, a chip of sliced, grayish red tomato, and a thick blue cheese dressing. If you are a person who looks at wings as an efficient delivery mechanism for blue cheese, this is your salad. Also, we may be soul mates. Pro tip: add the onion rings to the salad.

Your options are limited: a T-bone, a filet, and a newly added ribeye. The ribeye is a massive shingle of glistening fat streaked beef. The filet is taut and thick cut allowing a maximum ratio of charred exterior to rosy or in my case, red, interior. The steaks suffered from a slight lack of salt, but this was remedied by combining the steak and mushrooms bordelaise into one bite. Very rarely does one plus one equal three, but in this case it does. Feel free to skip the potatoes au gratin which are clunky.

Here is the thing with Charlie's. This is the kind of place that isn't anywhere near perfect and it doesn't try to hide its imperfection. You come to Charlie's for the service, which is sharp and funny, the ambiance, which is slightly garage band in a good way, those onion rings, blue cheese dressing that is richer than a Gates, the mushroom bordelaise and a well-cooked steak. I wouldn't recommend coming to Charlie's just once, but if I had to pick one restaurant in New Orleans to become a regular at, this would be in the running.

The road to eternal salvation may not be paved with steak on Fridays, but the path to the garden of earthly delights is.

Charlie's Steak House: Is It Worth It? Yes.
4510 Dryades St.
895-9323
Dinner only, Tuesday - Saturday